Post by raleighrebel on Nov 11, 2008 11:52:05 GMT -5
Jose offers his apology for not sharing his thoughts since the Auburn game. He actually just left the stadium moments ago.
Left. Forcibly removed. It is all a matter of perspective.
“But Jose,” you say. “Do you mean to tell me that you have been in Vaught-Hemingway these past ten days?”
That is what Jose was trying to say before you interrupted him.
To say that he was excited after the victory over the Plainsmen from Auburn would be an understatement. In fact, Jose was so excited that he could not bring himself to leave the stadium. So the past ten days he has been hiding out during the day and going onto the field at night to reenact the entire game.
“You should have been able to do that in one night Jose,” you say.
You are perceptive and ordinarily that would be true, but when Jose reenacts the game he must do so from every Ole Miss player’s perspective. Each night he chooses one offensive and one defensive position and goes through every play from their point of view. This was easy to do because Jorge had Tivo’d the game and he fed Jose a description of each play through the headset (Cellular South of course) that he had “borrowed” from the coaches’ box.
It is entirely possible that Jorge was doing tequila shots this past Thursday night when Jose was reenacting Jevan Snead’s game because he has no recollection of Snead turning somersaults down the field after his first touchdown pass and giving The Coach Whose Name Shall Not be Spoken the finger, but since Jose did not have the video evidence in front of him to refute Jorge’s assertion, he was forced to rely on his good word.
Anyway, Jose was all set to complete the final two positions this evening; offensive left guard and strong safety, but was discovered eating some leftover barbecue nachos in the concession stand by Langston Rogers, who immediately called security. Note: Rogers has had it in for Jose ever since that whole daytime fireworks fiasco at Vaught-Hemingway last season.
On to Louisiana-Monroe.
The University of Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks were known as the Northeast Louisiana Indians just a few years ago. Should hawks gain a primary spot on the endangered species list anytime soon, don’t be surprised if they show up in Oxford demanding to be called the Ouachita River Area Non-Violent Placaters.
ULM is perhaps best known for being the alma mater of everyone’s favorite college football studio host, Tim Brando. Jose actually saw Brando sitting in the stands at an Ole Miss-LSU baseball game in 1989. He was wearing gym shorts and tube sox that were pulled up to his knees. Even Jose gave up that look in the late 70’s. Jose contemplated asking him if he was headed to the skating rink or an Olivia Newton John video shoot after the game, but he didn’t want to give Brando additional incentive to poor mouth the Rebs.
The Warhawks come into Saturday’s game with a 3-6 record. However, they lost by just one point at Arkansas, and everyone should recall that they won at Alabama last year. A victory by the Rebels almost certainly clinches a bowl berth. Jose cannot believe he just wrote that. It has been a long time since he could even contemplate such. To put in perspective how long it has been since Ole Miss went to a bowl game he offers you a list of some of the significant events that have occurred since the January 2004 Cotton Bowl.
-April 29, 2004: The last Oldsmobile rolls off the assembly line.
-October 27, 2004: The Boston Red Sox win their first World Series since 1918.
-October 10, 2005: Jorge, Paco and Jose go out on the town for what is planned to be a quiet, reflective celebration of Jose’s 40th birthday.
-October 24, 2005: Jorge, Paco and Jose finally make bail.
-January 9, 2006: The Dow Jones closes above 11,000 for the first time since 2001.
-March 17, 2006: Salma Hayek gets naked in the movie “Ask the Dusk”.
-September 5, 2006: Felipe Calderon becomes the new President of Mexico.
-September 6, 2006: Jose is removed as President of his homeowner’s association in a coup d'etat led by the Methodists in the neighborhood.
-April 11, 2007: Kurt Vonnegut dies.
-June 27, 2008: Bill Gates steps down as Chairman of the Microsoft Corporation.
-October 31, 2008: After a twenty-eight year quest, Jose finally locates a Salami action figure, thus completing his set of The White Shadow collectibles.
Jose is not taking a win over the Warhawks for granted, and implores you not to do so either. The Rebels need to finish strong as Jose would like to make a bowl trip this year. It is somewhat embarrassing for him to continue to wear his 2004 Cotton Bowl cap. Not as embarrassing as fans of The School Whose Name Shall Not be Spoken wearing their 2005 Egg Bowl Champion t-shirts (when they went 3-8), but embarrassing nonetheless.
My name is Jose Valdez IV and these are my thoughts.
Left. Forcibly removed. It is all a matter of perspective.
“But Jose,” you say. “Do you mean to tell me that you have been in Vaught-Hemingway these past ten days?”
That is what Jose was trying to say before you interrupted him.
To say that he was excited after the victory over the Plainsmen from Auburn would be an understatement. In fact, Jose was so excited that he could not bring himself to leave the stadium. So the past ten days he has been hiding out during the day and going onto the field at night to reenact the entire game.
“You should have been able to do that in one night Jose,” you say.
You are perceptive and ordinarily that would be true, but when Jose reenacts the game he must do so from every Ole Miss player’s perspective. Each night he chooses one offensive and one defensive position and goes through every play from their point of view. This was easy to do because Jorge had Tivo’d the game and he fed Jose a description of each play through the headset (Cellular South of course) that he had “borrowed” from the coaches’ box.
It is entirely possible that Jorge was doing tequila shots this past Thursday night when Jose was reenacting Jevan Snead’s game because he has no recollection of Snead turning somersaults down the field after his first touchdown pass and giving The Coach Whose Name Shall Not be Spoken the finger, but since Jose did not have the video evidence in front of him to refute Jorge’s assertion, he was forced to rely on his good word.
Anyway, Jose was all set to complete the final two positions this evening; offensive left guard and strong safety, but was discovered eating some leftover barbecue nachos in the concession stand by Langston Rogers, who immediately called security. Note: Rogers has had it in for Jose ever since that whole daytime fireworks fiasco at Vaught-Hemingway last season.
On to Louisiana-Monroe.
The University of Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks were known as the Northeast Louisiana Indians just a few years ago. Should hawks gain a primary spot on the endangered species list anytime soon, don’t be surprised if they show up in Oxford demanding to be called the Ouachita River Area Non-Violent Placaters.
ULM is perhaps best known for being the alma mater of everyone’s favorite college football studio host, Tim Brando. Jose actually saw Brando sitting in the stands at an Ole Miss-LSU baseball game in 1989. He was wearing gym shorts and tube sox that were pulled up to his knees. Even Jose gave up that look in the late 70’s. Jose contemplated asking him if he was headed to the skating rink or an Olivia Newton John video shoot after the game, but he didn’t want to give Brando additional incentive to poor mouth the Rebs.
The Warhawks come into Saturday’s game with a 3-6 record. However, they lost by just one point at Arkansas, and everyone should recall that they won at Alabama last year. A victory by the Rebels almost certainly clinches a bowl berth. Jose cannot believe he just wrote that. It has been a long time since he could even contemplate such. To put in perspective how long it has been since Ole Miss went to a bowl game he offers you a list of some of the significant events that have occurred since the January 2004 Cotton Bowl.
-April 29, 2004: The last Oldsmobile rolls off the assembly line.
-October 27, 2004: The Boston Red Sox win their first World Series since 1918.
-October 10, 2005: Jorge, Paco and Jose go out on the town for what is planned to be a quiet, reflective celebration of Jose’s 40th birthday.
-October 24, 2005: Jorge, Paco and Jose finally make bail.
-January 9, 2006: The Dow Jones closes above 11,000 for the first time since 2001.
-March 17, 2006: Salma Hayek gets naked in the movie “Ask the Dusk”.
-September 5, 2006: Felipe Calderon becomes the new President of Mexico.
-September 6, 2006: Jose is removed as President of his homeowner’s association in a coup d'etat led by the Methodists in the neighborhood.
-April 11, 2007: Kurt Vonnegut dies.
-June 27, 2008: Bill Gates steps down as Chairman of the Microsoft Corporation.
-October 31, 2008: After a twenty-eight year quest, Jose finally locates a Salami action figure, thus completing his set of The White Shadow collectibles.
Jose is not taking a win over the Warhawks for granted, and implores you not to do so either. The Rebels need to finish strong as Jose would like to make a bowl trip this year. It is somewhat embarrassing for him to continue to wear his 2004 Cotton Bowl cap. Not as embarrassing as fans of The School Whose Name Shall Not be Spoken wearing their 2005 Egg Bowl Champion t-shirts (when they went 3-8), but embarrassing nonetheless.
My name is Jose Valdez IV and these are my thoughts.