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Post by raleighrebel on Jun 17, 2009 9:44:37 GMT -5
To My Fans:
Thank you for your support throughout my career. I want to address the news report that alleges my name is on the list of players who tested positive for steroids in 2003: Yo quiero mi gusta entonces el discotheque la musica el hamburguesa spaghetti der wieder le sorbonne dios mio!
Clearly I am innocent of the chargers – whatever they may be. (As you can tello, I don’t speaky the English too-ah well-ah. So if I did anything wrong, it was due to an el language barrio.)
Sincerely,
Sammy Sosa
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Post by raleighrebel on Jun 17, 2009 9:44:54 GMT -5
“I am violating the rules right now as I talk to you in front of these cameras. You like that? You like to watch me commit violations in front of the camera? Yeah, you know you do, you big, strong, muscled recruit. You like it. You want me to violate. Now watch me self-report.”
– Lane Kiffin, Tennesee head football coach, to a prospective recruit
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Post by raleighrebel on Jun 17, 2009 9:45:23 GMT -5
Vikings Give Tarvaris Jackson, Sage Rosenfels Friday Deadline to Stop Sucking
Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress informed quarterbacks Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels today that they have until Friday to stop sucking at quarterback or the team may have to resort to signing washed-up veteran Brett Favre.
“We were patiently waiting for them to stop sucking, but it’s gone on long enough,” said Childress. “We need an answer now. Are you going to continue to blow? If, yes, that’s fine. Just let us know so we can look elsewhere for someone who doesn’t blow to such a great degree.”
Jackson says he will wait until the deadline to make a decision.
“I hoped I would be given more time,” he said. “I’m only 26. I could use another year to decide. But if I had to say now … I don’t know. Honestly, I’d have to go with continue to suck. I don’t think I have another option right now. But I’ll wait until Friday. Maybe it will all click or something by then and I’ll feel like I belong on an NFL field.”
While Jackson is leaning towards continuing to suck, Rosenfels thinks he can step up for the Vikings and not suck.
“It depends on how coach defines ‘sucking,’” he said. “I can be as solid as anyone for the first three quarters. And then I will completely fall apart at the end. Always. But that’s three good quarters to one bad. 3-1, good beats out sucking.”
The former Texans quarterback says even if he decides to not stop sucking, he still feels he is Minnesota’s best option.
“I’m going to be horrible in the fourth quarter,” he said. “That’s a given. But so will Brett Favre. Difference is, I’ll do it for less money and I’m not an a—hole.”
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Post by raleighrebel on Jun 17, 2009 9:45:52 GMT -5
Kobe Bryant still unable to win a title without playing alongside very tall black men
Kobe Bryant finally proved he could win a championship without Shaquille O’Neal. But to many, it seems all Bryant did was switch out O’Neal for other very tall black men.
“When people doubted Kobe could win without Shaq, it wasn’t that they specifically meant Shaq,” said USA Today writer Jeff Winters. “All Kobe did here was a bait-and-switch. If he can win a title without Andrew Bynum and DJ Mbenga or really any person of color taller than 6-foot-7, then we’ll talk.”
Bryant says he feels he has quieted his critics for good.
“I have nothing left to prove,” he said. “But for his legacy, I think Shaq needs to win a title while playing alongside unathletic white people.”
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Post by 96Ag on Jun 17, 2009 9:46:17 GMT -5
did I miss the beach week photos?
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Post by raleighrebel on Jun 17, 2009 9:46:26 GMT -5
Marian Hossa to Sign with Whatever Team Promises to Not Make Fun of Him
A year after deciding to turn down a long-term, big money contract offer from the Pittsburgh Penguins to sign for one year on the cheap with the Detroit Red Wings to “win a Stanley Cup,” free agent Marian Hossa is looking for the perfect situation again this off-season.
“I’m going to be picky again,” said Hossa. “I still want to win a Cup, but now I mainly want to play on a team that will accept me without mocking my previous decision. I don’t know if such a team exists.”
Hossa says several teams have already been in contact. But he is still looking for a home for next season.
“I have heard from at least a dozen different teams,” he said. “The Stars GM called. But he just laughed at me and then hung up. I heard from Boston’s GM. He said ‘Stupid f—king moron says what?’ Unfortunately, I said ‘what’ because English is my second language and I wasn’t thinking. And then everyone else just calls and plays that Nelson laugh from ‘The Simpsons.’”
Ideally, Hossa would like to return to the Red Wings or Penguins. But he has received no indication either team wants him back.
“We were so close to winning the Cup again this year,” said Detroit captain Nicklas Lindstrom. “It only increased our hunger for next year. And if there’s one person you don’t want on your team if you want to win the Stanley Cup, it’s Marian Hossa.”
Pittsburgh Penguins captain Sidney Crosby says the Penguins would love to have Hossa around – but not on the roster.
“Sure, send him here,” he said. “I can’t think of a person I’d want more to watch us party with the Stanley Cup. And it would be great if he’d be willing to take pictures while we kiss it and pose with it. Or, if he’s not up for that, maybe we could take pictures of him crying. Either way, it will be awesome.”
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Post by raleighrebel on Jun 17, 2009 9:46:57 GMT -5
did I miss the beach week photos?
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Post by maestro on Jun 17, 2009 10:18:46 GMT -5
Sosa is such a douche.
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Post by scuzz on Jun 17, 2009 11:00:11 GMT -5
Sosa, Favre and Kobe are all douches....
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Post by tonythegator on Jun 17, 2009 12:28:25 GMT -5
To My Fans: Thank you for your support throughout my career. I want to address the news report that alleges my name is on the list of players who tested positive for steroids in 2003: Yo quiero mi gusta entonces el discotheque la musica el hamburguesa spaghetti der wieder le sorbonne dios mio! Clearly I am innocent of the chargers – whatever they may be. (As you can tello, I don’t speaky the English too-ah well-ah. So if I did anything wrong, it was due to an el language barrio.) Sincerely, Sammy Sosa Se gusta a comer las pinochas de gorditas, no? ;D
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Post by badgersballers on Jun 17, 2009 12:45:39 GMT -5
Kobe Bryant still unable to win a title without playing alongside very tall black menKobe Bryant finally proved he could win a championship without Shaquille O’Neal. But to many, it seems all Bryant did was switch out O’Neal for other very tall black men. “When people doubted Kobe could win without Shaq, it wasn’t that they specifically meant Shaq,” said USA Today writer Jeff Winters. “All Kobe did here was a bait-and-switch. If he can win a title without Andrew Bynum and DJ Mbenga or really any person of color taller than 6-foot-7, then we’ll talk.” Bryant says he feels he has quieted his critics for good. “I have nothing left to prove,” he said. “But for his legacy, I think Shaq needs to win a title while playing alongside unathletic white people.” He also can't win an NBA Title without Derek Fisher!
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