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Post by siobserver on Aug 27, 2007 16:14:03 GMT -5
Mexican Electric Chair
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning - though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.' They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. 'I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.' They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well I'm from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.
SIObserver ;D
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Post by donaufan on Aug 27, 2007 16:25:57 GMT -5
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Post by bcsbbad on Aug 27, 2007 17:35:32 GMT -5
I thought this was funny -
Really - even as a Bamit fan I did -
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, blond student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
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Post by bcsbbad on Aug 27, 2007 17:37:35 GMT -5
And for the wonderful women who love football on this board - this is just for you - Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and she yelled at the top of her voice,
"HELLOOOoooo, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
At last, she heard a faint voice from far, far away......
"We're down here."
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Post by NCBulldawg on Aug 27, 2007 17:37:52 GMT -5
Very good, bcssbad, very nice!
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Post by bcsbbad on Aug 27, 2007 17:59:22 GMT -5
NCB - I even laugh at and give Karma for a good Bamit joke -
Funny is funny or your glasses are too thick -
Life is too short to wear thick glasses -
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 18:48:55 GMT -5
And for the wonderful women who love football on this board - this is just for you - Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and she yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLOOOoooo, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" At last, she heard a faint voice from far, far away...... "We're down here." Nuttin like the truth lol
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Post by bcsbbad on Aug 27, 2007 19:38:09 GMT -5
hockeywoman - there are not "girls" on this board -
And chi pay attention -
Isn't it refreshing to see the truth posted at least once in a decade by a male member -
If there isn't a line there my lone brain cell is really alone -
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 22:59:01 GMT -5
hockeywoman - there are not "girls" on this board - And chi pay attention - Isn't it refreshing to see the truth posted at least once in a decade by a male member - If there isn't a line there my lone brain cell is really alone - U tryin to say i need to change the name to HOCKEYWOMAN then???
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Post by gobigred203 on Aug 27, 2007 23:00:10 GMT -5
hockeywoman - there are not "girls" on this board - And chi pay attention - Isn't it refreshing to see the truth posted at least once in a decade by a male member - If there isn't a line there my lone brain cell is really alone - U tryin to say i need to change the name to HOCKEYWOMAN then??? What makes this funny is that she did change her name to "HOCKEYWOMAN"
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 23:03:33 GMT -5
lol Well figured wth, I'm a woman not i girl so he had a point.
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Post by gobigred203 on Aug 27, 2007 23:04:50 GMT -5
You got a point..
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 23:05:25 GMT -5
How about this one?
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Post by gobigred203 on Aug 27, 2007 23:09:53 GMT -5
lol, well, it's a good name. One thing though, I'm not worshiping you
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 23:13:26 GMT -5
lol Well ty, don't worry I only need one person to worship me
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Post by gobigred203 on Aug 27, 2007 23:17:10 GMT -5
LOL, now you gonna make him refer to you as "all mighty one" or something like that?
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 23:18:14 GMT -5
lmao Yeah right i have about as much chance as that as i do gettin him to a Nhl game. lol
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Post by gobigred203 on Aug 27, 2007 23:21:04 GMT -5
lol, hmm....have you tried bribing him with doggy treats yet?
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 23:23:23 GMT -5
Nope not yet. I might have to give that a try.hmmmmmmmm
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Post by gobigred203 on Aug 27, 2007 23:25:20 GMT -5
Ok, you think about that..I carried that on way longer than I should've. I'll see if I can help you get chi to go to an NHL hockey game...I'll think of some ideas tomorrow In the meantime..I'm gonna get my 7 hours of sleep..or less...
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 23:34:10 GMT -5
Well thanks for the fun... I'll keep my fingers crossed with the gettin Chi to a hockey game, if ya can think of anything lol.
Sweet dreams get that beauty rest. lol
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Post by hockeygirl on Aug 27, 2007 23:35:39 GMT -5
Think i'll go do the same Nite yall!
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Post by LEE Fn TORSO on Aug 28, 2007 0:16:39 GMT -5
Dude don't knock the duck tape. I had a grandfather that held most of his farm equipment together with that stuff. I always claimed that Duct tape and string can fix anything. But one time I invented this cleaning fluid that ate thru EVERYTHING! The trick has been for me to find something to put it in!
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Post by siobserver on Aug 28, 2007 3:48:47 GMT -5
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate, so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What is going on here?" ”My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.
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Post by donaufan on Aug 28, 2007 6:26:18 GMT -5
Isn't it refreshing to see the truth posted at least once in a decade by a male member - Your a Male Member.
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Post by siobserver on Sept 4, 2007 2:05:06 GMT -5
A cop pulls over a blonde because her car is weaving all over the road. When he bends down he can smell booze on her breath. "I'm going to give you a Breathalyzer test to see if you're under the influence of alcohol", he says. She blows up the balloon, then he walks it back to the police car to run the test. He comes back to her car and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." "You mean it shows that as well?" she gasps.
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Post by siobserver on Sept 5, 2007 22:57:50 GMT -5
A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a nickel. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in theface. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickel and starts panicing, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before. It was fantastic! Are you a doctor?" "No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney."
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Post by goirish on Sept 6, 2007 9:27:25 GMT -5
Grandma's Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
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Post by goirish on Sept 6, 2007 9:28:16 GMT -5
Why Men Have Better Friends Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
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